Holding on, While Letting Go: Traversing discouragement

It happens to all of us at some point, disappointment, unmet expectations, or a conflict resulting in emotional pain. Our instincts may be to deny, suppress, medicate, or bear up under the pain, but it is impossible to live life safe enough to avoid painful struggles. I have found this to be especially true when I care passionately about something, or when I’m on a journey, stepping out in faith, or pursuing a dream or calling. Maybe you can relate to experiencing discouragement in the middle of one of those journeys where hope and faith have propelled you to a high place, only to find your feet suddenly at the threatening edge of despair, uncertain where the next step or handhold is to deliver you to your destination? What truths can we use to traverse these rocky places, to know where to hold onto in hope, and whether our footing is on solid ground along the journey?

Perhaps you have some suggestions gained from personal experience? Here is a brief list of perspectives that God has taught me over the years, and reminded me of recently when experiencing a series of disappointments.

Hold onto…

God, and a godly view of his attributes as revealed throughout Scripture. It’s important to examine our godtalk and reconcile it with the Truth found in God’s Word. If we have a lacking or polluted view of God’s attributes we are vulnerable to Satan. When Jesus was tempted in the desert, he always answered Satan’s lies with God’s written truths. (Matt. 4:1-11).

love for others as ourselves. This topic requires so much, but briefly I want to share the foundational perspective of asking God to help us see others through his eyes. Where is he working, and how does he want to use this person for the kingdom? What does love look like in 1 Cor. 13? Whether in times of peace or conflict, do our motives match with this kind of love? Are we willing to serve a greater kingdom cause? Loving others is an opportunity to join with God’s heart through prayer and the work of the Holy Spirit.

your identity in Christ. Just as we need a godly view of God’s attributes we need a godly view of ourselves as his redeemed people. We have it all in Christ! We have been blessed in the heavenly realms with every spiritual blessing. He chose us before creation to be blameless in his sight. In love he predestined us to be adopted as sons. Freely he has given us glorious grace, redemption through his blood, and forgiveness of sins, and so much more! (Eph. 1:1-17; et. al). Examining our self-talk for signs of an enemy breach may reveal that we have given Satan an entry point.

the Potter’s hand. God often uses difficulties in our lives to transform our character into Christlikeness, and restore wholeness to our painful personal issues. He isn’t looking to use perfect people, but he will only advance those who humble themselves to the Master’s design. Is there a reoccurring pattern in your life? Let Jesus take you to a place of healing. 2 Cor. 3:17-18; 4: 7; Hebrews 12:1-8

today. While we persevere in faith for the promised hope of tomorrow we need to continue living in the present with gratitude, praise, and joy, even when it takes all we have to do so. Our eyes can easily become fixed on a future hope and neglect the gift of today. If we are not careful our promise can become an idol greater than our appreciation for the Giver. God is more than enough for today and tomorrow! Let the joy of the Lord feed your soul today.

Let go of…

extra baggage. We start out with intentions of traveling light, and end up gathering things along the way to help manage difficulties. In 12 Steps, these “things” that help us manage are referred to as immature and ineffective ways of coping or relating to others. In relationships they may look like using a sledge hammer to swat a fly. They come in varying forms of blame, unforgiveness, people pleasing, defensiveness, perfectionism, etc. If debris is scattered along the trail behind, it’s time to make amends with our past. (Rom. 12:18; Eph. 4:15).

the weapons of the enemy. Like avoiding poison ivy along the trail, we must not handle the weapons of Satan. Their forms are subtle, casting doubt and obscuring truth. Most often they are seen in misunderstandings and false attributions about the behavior and motives of others, or they are seen in how we make sense of our world, our explanatory style. They are particularly attractive because we appear like an innocent victim in our own eyes, while we see others as purposefully against us. When this happens we need to go back to the things listed above, to the things “we hold onto.”

control.  It is our fleshly nature to try and control things ourselves, especially when God’s timing seems delayed. We see this example in Genesis when Sarai gave her handmaiden, Hagar, to Abram so that the promise of a son could be fulfilled. When we try to control situations or others we are depending on ourselves, not God. In your journey, “may the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.” Romans 15:13

As God continues to teach these things to me I return to them often as a place to regain perspective. Though in some areas I continue to struggle, I have found that I more quickly come to a place of rest and perspective by knowing what to hold onto, and of what to let go. What has been your experience in difficult times? What thoughts would you add?  Is there anything you identify with most? I’d love to hear your thoughts, and I hope to expand further on these and others in future blog posts.

Walter Cronkite Meets Jesus

Saigon and the Mekong Delta 1968 - At the age of 9, the fact of my father’s absence was like an undercurrent of heaviness, and a constant reminder his return was not guaranteed. Letters sent from Vietnam said little about the makings of war. Dad liked the cookies, he liked the poem about watching him make faces while he shaved, and the photographs of Brownie Troop activities. Mom seemed to be somewhere far off those days, the television on in the background, mom in the kitchen, and the interruptions of a young girl’s voice met with annoyance. Sometime after supper I’d hear the familiar voice of Walter Cronkite beckoning me to the television.

There was always a dilemma involved when watching Cronkite, part of me wanting to know what was happening in Vietnam, the other afraid of what I would learn. Walter Cronkite had all the facts, everything a young girl wanted to know; be it the current location of the Viet Kong, marches on behalf of the poor people living in shanti towns, anti-war protests, civil liberty protests, presidential politics, the evacuations of Hueys, the status of half a million U.S. troops serving in Vietnam, and the downward plunge of a bayonet. I became a humanitarian and a disciple of Jesus under Cronkite. Maybe Jesus and I could make a difference in this world? No, dad’s name wasn’t on Cronkite’s casualty list; maybe he’s okay, and then… Cronkite brought news of another war, one closer to home. First, Martin Luther King, Jr., and then within 2 months Robert F. Kennedy had been assassinated.

I did not grow up in a religious home, but for some reason during my dad’s deployment my mom dropped my sister and me off at a nearby Vacation Bible School. It was there that I learned about the life and love of Jesus, that he was my friend, and the hope of the world around me. It wouldn’t be until my early teens that I would understand my even greater need for Jesus. As parents we often wonder about our world today and its impact on our children.  We may try to protect and shield them from the harsh realities of conflict in an increasingly global society. But, I personally wonder if Jesus would become the “hero” he was to me then, without the stark contrast of a world on display in need of desperate hope. Is such a contrast even possible when our children have so much today? I never went to Disneyland as a child, but I did see the Redwood Forest. My first tech gadget was my very own tape cassette player, and birthday parties then included a gathering of friends around the dining table with a homemade cake. Our lives were simple, but we were content.

Consider our children’s heroes today. Do our children have an appreciation for the kindness of Jesus, his deep care for those who suffer, his compassion for the poor, and his promise of justice one day? Better yet, do our children know how much our world needs a kind hero, the very hope of the nations? What kind of “funnelvision” do children experience in today’s media mix? I’m certain my own mother had no idea of the internal processing I experienced. What thoughts do you have?

Walk with Me

When I was in the 6^th grade I somehow managed to be elected student body president of our elementary school. There was just one problem or so we thought, I didn’t know Roberts Rules of Order. The truth was no amount of classroom study could make up for what I lacked in a role model. My male teacher and principal had expectations for the academic aspects of the role, but what I didn’t realize at the time was that I lacked a personal belief that I could assume a role of leadership. As a woman, it simply wasn’t modeled for me.

That belief became a story that I took with me long into my adult life. The women in my life were nurturing mothers, teachers, and Girl Scout leaders, contrasted by the Gloria Steinem’s in the media who were viewed as radical in my childhood home. But there was one reoccurring problem… my wiring contains a propensity for leadership. Jesus modeled discipleship, or mentoring over the course of three years. In contrast, I wonder what do we as leaders today hope to gain through periodic meetings and a handbook? Is it only our knowledge that has value, or is there something to be gained from the relationship?

It was through relationship over time that Jesus revealed Himself to his disciples, and they came to know Him as the real deal. It’s pretty easy to offer good advice and pleasant company over an occasional cup of coffee, and a meeting here and there. It’s another thing to take someone with you, to walk with them and to allow authenticity and experience to become a mutual instructor. For example it’s one thing to know your future spouse over fine wine and dining. It’s quite another thing to work with them in the trenches. As leaders we need to be willing to walk with others. Even if it seems like it will slow us down, or interrupt personal agendas. Investing in others holds the promise of doubling the workers for the harvest.

Whether we are leaders, co-laborers, or following others, it’s through relationship that we learn about another person and their strengths, and about ourselves and our weaknesses. It means pushing back against culture, and the expectation of instant results with minimal investment of time. It means letting go of our independent, pride based ways that carry a toddler’s “I do it!” mentality. We were made for relationship. Jesus knew his disciples, he knew their strengths and weaknesses, and He knew God’s purposes for each of  them. How well do we know the people we lead? How much of ourselves do we allow to be known by those we lead? Are we humble enough to learn from those who follow us?

During His time with the disciples Jesus gave them a glimpse of what he was creating in them. Paul exhorts believers, "encourage one another and build each other up." We all need encouraging mentors or role models who recognize what God is doing within us and join with Him. Paul exhorted Timothy to use the gifts that were given to him. Timothy’s calling was reinforced through the Holy Spirit, through experience, and through the reflection of Paul’s discipleship.

For me, there was one more significant life experience that lacked discipleship. At the age of 13, I accepted Jesus as my Savior during an evangelical service. Though I would go back to that church over several months, the weekly message remained the same, “Repent and be saved!” I never grew to understand my new faith beyond my own failure to live a life free of sin. There was so much I didn’t know to ask, and there was no one to guide me with the next steps. But Jesus is faithful! Ten years later he led me to a fellowship where I not only met Jesus, but the Word, and people who were willing to walk with me. A lot happened in between those ten years, and sometimes I wonder “what if, what if I had been discipled in my faith?” Rather than dwell in the past however, I am looking to the future, and asking Jesus to remove any obstacles within me. I want to be fully equipped as a worker for the harvest.

An additional question that occurs to me as I contemplate the subject of discipleship, is one I have to ask myself today, “Why haven’t I sought a Christian woman leader as a role model and mentor?” For me the answer is longtime fears, a fear of being rejected in the role itself, and a fear that I would be asking too much of another person’s time… What are your thoughts? What if anything is holding you back?

"Let us not give up meeting together as some are in the habit of doing, but let us encourage one another --and all the more as we see the Day approaching." Hebrew 10:25

What's Love Got to Do with the Adam Lanza's of this World?

I may take some flak for this, but what if someone in Adam Lanza’s shy world had reached out to him? We may never know all the facts of his life and relationships. Perhaps we will even hear stories of individuals who reached out to him, who expressed kindness and acceptance. Jean Vanier, reminds us that, “the way of the heart implies a choice. We can choose to take this path and treat people as people and not just as machines.” So we can look at a person not just in the role we see them serve. For example looking beyond the role of a teacher, grocery clerk, or a socially isolated classmate to looking at the person, which means we understand they have a heart, that they may have difficult relationships, and that they need our “understanding and kindness.” This implies that we have something to give in our circles of influences, those places where we encounter others. We can choose to stay uninvolved and self-focused, or through intentional awareness we can offer kindness and acceptance.

Vanier goes on to say, “our hearts can become hard like stone or tender like flesh. We have to create situations where our hearts can be fortified and nourished. In this way, we can be more sensitive to others, to their needs, their cries, their inner pain, their tenderness, and their gifts of love.” I wonder if Adam ever experienced such compassion? What gifts of love were never expressed towards him, and therefore, never manifested in him? It is easy to hate him now, to call him a monster. We simply cannot fathom beyond the realm of evil what could initiate such a horribly tragic crime. I realize I’m taking a lot of license in perceiving the heart, the pain, and the needs of Adam and others like him. I am not writing to debate evil vs. mental illness, or that a life of personal pain negates the call for justice. I am writing about love.

You and I have the daily opportunity to live a life of love. “Mature” love puts its trust in God and can therefore stand in a place outside of belonging. It can discern when to take risks that bring life and “meet people who have been excluded” Vanier. What brings life to another person?

We bring life when:

• our hearts are open to others who may be weak or in need.
• we humbly serve others, when we listen to their story, and when we see them through God's eyes.
• we see gifts in others and see what unites us.

Do you recall the story of a woman who was going through some tough times only to find herself hostage to a man fleeing from the authorities? Fearing for her own life, this woman found the courage and the then faint story of hope to share the gospel. From her own place of pain she reached out to her captive’s pain. She listened to his story, a life in which he never experienced love. She saw a heart desperate to be loved and in need of the hope of the Father’s love. Not only did her captive give his life to Christ, she was freed and renewed her faith in God. This is the power of love!

September 1^st is highlighted as Random Acts of Kindness Day. We know the importance of kindness. We understand our need for kindness. While the day reminds us to be kind, to pay it forward, let’s also live a daily life of love. Let’s live a life that is aware of the needs of others, that consistently reaches out to others in the pace of our everyday lives and circles of our influence. As we practice awareness let’s also add the power of Christ’s sacrifice by practicing Random Acts of Prayer.

What Would You Do? (WWYD?)

We’ve often heard the question asked, “What would Jesus do?” (WWJD?) It’s a question we ask ourselves, and one another from time to time when we are seeking Jesus’ example of living on mission, and relating to others. Our recent local and national elections have reminded me of how polarized our politics are, and of how that polarization carries over into religion, and the view many not-yet believers have of Christianity. Jesus made a distinction between the religious practices of the Pharisees, and His example of going to sinners and the sick, to the oppressors and the oppressed, and to the lepers and the outcasts in society.

I got to thinking...what would you [and I] do, (WWYD?) if Jesus was visible in the flesh? Like the apostle Thomas, would it matter if we could see Jesus, and touch His hands? When in His visible presence, would we behave or respond differently to the world around us? Would we identify the hypocrisy that not-yet believers find so evident in us? 

I actually considered ordering a life-sized cardboard cutout of Jesus as an experiment, and taking it with me so that I could have a visual reminder that Jesus is always here with me. In the busyness of life, I think we often need to remind ourselves of the constant implications of faith. Imagine, taking Jesus to church…would He have our attention? Would we stumble over one another in our efforts to serve, to give, to spend time at His feet? How would our love be different; our priorities; our gratitude; and our willingness to sacrifice? 

Are you and I practicing a religion, or are we following Jesus? What would YOU do, (WWYD?)? Practice His presence. Spend time with your Savior. Welcome the Holy Spirit. Take Him with you wherever you go…Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see. Heb. 11:1

Living Faith

Have you ever gone through a famine or lean times in your prayer life? I know I have, even recently. It’s often said that we can become disconnected from Jesus when things are going well and we are in a place of false independence. However for me more recently, I found myself battle weary. Sometimes it seems like the enemy is winning; like the warriors are few and any ground won is quickly lost. For the past nine years I have been on a spiritual journey desperate to see the glory of Jesus among believers in the Church and not-yet believers within our community.  

That desperation led me to many things. It inspired me to be an advocate for prayer in the lives of believers; it led me to question and examine culture both within the church and those to whom we have been sent; and it compelled me to evaluate my role “to seek and save the lost,” and to look for ways to do so by thinking outside the box. I even went back to school to obtain a degree thinking that reaching out relationally would require knowledge that I lacked. The truth is, all we need is Jesus and this is no trivial truth. It is The Truth!

We have been redeemed! We have the love of Jesus in us and His example of love and sacrifice to guide and transform us into His likeness. Though we continue to be sanctified, He remains with us. I am weak, I struggle with short-sightedness, my focus gets off course, and I’m inpatient and try to do a lot in my own strength. But, Jesus not only said we could do this, He sent us, each and every one of His children! That’s me and that’s you, we’ve been sent into our workplaces, neighborhoods, and our many activities as ambassadors.  

Have you ever planted a seed and witnessed it take root as faith in another individual? I have twice, but that was more than twenty years ago. What happened? For me the answer to that question is that I’ve been busy. Busy working for and serving in the church, going to school, raising a family, basically doing good things. However, very little of my time has been intentionally focused on developing natural relationships with the not-yet believers that have come and gone in my life. What’s with that? I still think of a woman I met during one of my last classes. We hit it off, we had coffee together, and then I got a job…I never invested in that friendship.

E.M. Bounds said, “When faith ceases to pray, it ceases to live.” To be on mission, to reach the people Jesus loves and the people He has placed in our paths, you and I must have a living faith. With faith, nothing is impossible. Faith that comes by prayer removes obstacles in our lives and the lives of others, and enables the power of Christ to work through us.

The pastor of Reality Church, Britt Merrick sums it up like this, “We know that ‘the weapons of our warfare are not of the flesh, but divinely powerful for the destruction of fortresses. Our plot of ground is our present culture—where Satan sets up camp. Our weapon to defend that ground is prayer.” Let’s be people of living faith, let’s be people of prayer. The power of Christ is waiting for us to join with Him. 

Sharing Our Faith through Prayer

Recently during a prayer huddle before services, our pastor asked if anyone had a prayer need. Everyone looked around the circle with shrugged shoulders, me included, until one person shared about a hospitalized infant. I have often wondered why so many believers find it difficult to share prayer needs with others, especially a personal prayer need?

Yet, prayer is an essential part of our worship. I have to say it again, prayer is worshiping God! It is our sacrifice on the altar, a pleasing aroma. It is our fellowship offering, our thanksgiving offering, and our sin offering. It is how God makes himself known to us and to a watching world. It is how he brings glory to himself, in the demonstration of his provision by His power, strength, and love… "so that in all things God may be praised through Jesus Christ. To Him be the glory and the power forever and ever. Amen” 1 Peter 4:11

Every prayer offered in faith and according to God’s will is an opportunity for God to be glorified, every prayer. If we viewed prayer as an act of worship would we be more inclined to pray? If we understood that God wants to reveal Himself in a “God-sized” way, would we be more likely to trust Him for the really “big things,” rather than rely on our own human strength, and safe and sane plans?

I realize that for more sensitive matters, not all settings are conducive to sharing, but I think we too often struggle with this, even in the church community, among our friends and in our small groups. If we are not careful, we risk by default our own “don’t ask, don’t tell” policy. A policy where we fail to “ask” God for his provision thereby, losing an opportunity to “tell” of His glory.

Here are a few reasons we may fail to ask God, or share our need with others:

• Our independent nature views dependence on God as weak or needy. Therefore, we stigmatize prayer, only those who are weak need prayer. (the irony)
• We are full of pride - we “say, I am rich; I have acquired wealth and do not need a thing…” Rev. 3:17
•  We are self-focused - we fear that others will judge us as somehow less spiritual.
•  We are self-seeking - we pray only when we have a need, not for kingdom purposes and may even forget to thank God.
• We lack faith - faith in God’s provision, and confidence in his love for us.
• We are untrained or undisciplined - we don’t know how because it is not modeled for us, or we lack spiritual motivation.
• Lack of intimacy with God - we see God as distant and have not experienced Him as our Abba Father.

Perhaps you can identify with some of these even if by omission? The point is, when needs remain unexpressed and the act of prayer remains out of public practice we risk living powerless lives, lacking an expression of faith that pleases and glorifies God.

The following are some ways believers can share their faith through prayer: 

• Keep a prayer journal, being watchful and documenting God’s answers. Make note of spiritual markers and tell others about God’s faithfulness. These will become your “God Stories,” to be shared with others. (Ps 78:4; 105:2; 107:22)
• Increase your comfort level, share with a trusted person or group both your requests and God’s answers. (Matt 18:20)
• Look for opportunities to pray for an unchurched friend or neighbor who shares a struggle and then ask if you can pray for them, preferably on the spot. Keep praying and follow up. (1 Peter 3:15)
• Ask God to increase your faith and reveal Himself, His ways, and His purposes. (Eph 3:16-21)
• Spend quality time in private prayer, both listening to the Holy Spirit and offering praise and worship to God. (Ps 26:8; 27:4)
• Increase your knowledge and experience by joining with a prayer partner or study group. (Ps 53:4)
•  As leaders, demonstrate your dependence on God with transparency, asking for prayer and quickly moving to prayer in your ministry among people. Celebrate with others God’s provision. (John 15:5; Isaiah 63:7; Eph 6:18-20)
• As individuals, parents and leaders, don’t dismiss “burning bush” or “Red Sea” opportunities to trust and obey God in God-sized kingdom work. Invite others to join with you in prayer. Share your praises corporately. (Ps 40: 9-10; Prov 30:4; Eph 1:18-20)
•  Finally, ask God to provide opportunities for you to share your faith, and be prepared “ to give the reason for the hope that you have…” 1 Peter 3:15

Ultimately, the depth of our prayer life is in direct proportion to the depth of our relationship with God. Asking, and trusting in Him is an act of faith. When we share our personal encounters with a living God, today's world takes note. He alone is the reason for the hope that we have. When it comes to time spent in prayer, I like to apply this quote, “Generosity is giving more than you can and pride is taking less than you need.” Kahlil Gibran.